watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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