Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
God, I missed his penis.
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