and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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