please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
