have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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