"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
