We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
