In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
