I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
