My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
