Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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