At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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