her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
