He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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