You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
