i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
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It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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