she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
