Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
