Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
