You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
