My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
