So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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