I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
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Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.