How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?