Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..