yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
