A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
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This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today