You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night