ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
