it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and she was petting her beer can
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
