I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
