Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
