when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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