Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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