This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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