I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
