the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's shark week go big or go home
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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