Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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