Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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