Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
