you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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