Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
