All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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