I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
