Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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