Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
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Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
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He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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