Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I will pee on everything he values.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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