I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
