I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
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you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
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I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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