Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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