How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
