We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
