Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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