I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
