i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
