I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
