Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I need to stop coming to work sober
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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