Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
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we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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