I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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