Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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