I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
