We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
