so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
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Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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