I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize