your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
