I skipped work to stalk him.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
