omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
