I got her a Nickelback box set.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
