Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
