There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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