i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
