There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
