Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
