He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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