One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
