just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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