It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
