Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
