Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I will pee on everything he values.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
