I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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