she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
