I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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